He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
