Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
