i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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