How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
