my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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