Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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