Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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