Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think my moral compass just broke
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
