Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
