Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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