Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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