She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
