Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
