Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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