It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What a dumb baby whore.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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