You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
