Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
