She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
