Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
