Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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