So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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