For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
