ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
