Whod you bang
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
