I CAN MOONWALK!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
