Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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