Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
