Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
