Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
