made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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