At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
