I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
