I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
