90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
