physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
