the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That accounts for only three of the penises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
