Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
