I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
