If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
