I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
