Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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