the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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