quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
