We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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