So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
