Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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