well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
