If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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