I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
