He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
