ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
