Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
